Dad Isn't Drunk

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2011-01-10T11:15:00.001-08:00

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Poking Through The Rubble/Sobering Sights

2011-01-10T10:23:00.000-08:00

Dad is no longer drunk, and to prove it to myself I took a walk through the halls of my past. The walls are hung with pictures of failure, despair, disappointment, papered with lost love, days, and family. In the past these bleak portraits have been draped in a cloak of alcoholic denial, innocents taking on the pain of life from behind a blind veil.

Booze quickly replaced baby in the bottle order.

Life as I know it has always had a haze.

Now with the haze seven days lifted I can see the vibrant colors of my failures painstakingly brushed and layers on those canvases. The portraits glow, lighting the hall blindingly with pain. Pain of the past which still lingers for those in its wake still to this day.

I have decided to get sober and live life, working towards success and forgiveness. You can read about my progress here.

Dad.

The end

2010-04-20T23:39:00.001-07:00

This is the last post this blog will see. People failed to see the humor in it and and...I guess that is it. Thank you for your time.

A brief pause....

2010-03-21T22:38:00.001-07:00

Today is a historic day in...history. Today health care reform was given a go-ahead by our Government. This is no bullshit, people, and if I wasn't on day 4.5 of Detox Program beer would in order.

Now here is my question:

Now that health care reform is a reality will that fat loud mouthed pill popping peice of political shit scrape himself off the bottom of shoes and leave the country? That's right. Rush Limp-baugh threatened some time ago to move to Costa Rica if this bill passed, and I want to know when that fuck is hitting the airport. Fuck it, put him on a raft and toss him in the ocean. Let his hot air propel him to his new home.

That is all.

St. Patty's Day Massacre Bike Ride of Doom

2010-03-15T07:28:00.001-07:00

This is an open invitation to any of you out there on bikes who really want to "get down" this week for the original Green Holiday!

Hello all,

Some of you have jobs. On Wednesday you should pretend you don't.

St Pats is the #1 Amateur Drinking day in the world and normally I abstain due to the overwhelming hordes of shitheads roaming our fair city. This year I am dancing a different uh...dance.

This venture will begin Tuesday night @ 5 pm for those so inclined to have a good 24 hour drunkfest.

You know, I used to live in Philly and there is nothing like starting the night before St Pats, then showing up to the parade puking in trash cans on the route after no sleep whatsoever. I want to bring those "memories" back.

So....Tuesday night the more irresponsible of us will be meeting at the Longest Yard in valley junction at 5. The have "hair band Tuesday" and it is a good thing. Then on to downtown via Charlies, GT, et al.

All this ends in a mess somewhere downtown Tuesday night/weds morning (I may need a place to crash as I live on the other side of the flood plain).

Wednesday morning we reconvene (or continue on a path of destruction) at 8 am for breakfast at a TBA location. From there we drink until St Pat's Day looks cute. This party stops when uncle is called. Stay tuned for more details.

Rsvp if you dare

Sam.

Ps. Forward this to anyone you know with a bike who wants to hang animal style.

White cops

2010-03-12T22:27:00.001-08:00

So I just got done drinking 40s outside an unnamed Ingersoll bar. On a mission with my boy stretch and Detective Skim Milk to the south side. Dad is drunk and getting drunkest. Curtis Mayfield playin in the Cougar Catcher, got a rocks glass in my pocket. To be continued......

Sittin

2010-03-12T20:05:00.001-08:00

So I am sitting on the "thinking station" at what is alledgedly my workplace contemplating a few things. What should I really do with this blog? Should I make it about cycling, or just continue with random bullshit? I don't know what should be done. I enjoy just fucking around on here, but I feel like maybe an urge to get serious once in a while.

I have a lot more to think about and plan. That Bike ride across Iowa thing needs planned, have a ton of yard work to do (now that the glacier has melted), I have bikes that need work, Daughter's last 2 months of high school, house decorating to be done, furniture to find. Ok, it isn't that bad.

Oh, I found my tissues. Time to quit crying.

Later.

New York Times Blog-shit

2010-03-08T17:08:00.001-08:00

Today a NYT blogger wrote an interesting piece on women, alcohol, and weight gain. This person seems to think that women who drink alcohol gain less weight than women who don't. What fucking bar is this maniac hanging out in? Not the ones I frequent.

Sounds like this guy is just trying to encourage women to get drunk. For what reason? I don't know.

I was going to post a link to it here, but save your time. Don't read it.

Ladies, it is ok to drink, but don't think that it is helping any. Limit alcohol intake, eat a balanced diet, excercise regularly, and don't forget to stretch. Oh, drink plenty of water.

Now, it must not be true for men either or I would be super-model thin!

Reality: Legs vs. The Gut

2010-03-04T09:21:00.000-08:00

Last year I had my sights set firmly on doing some endurance racing this season. The last few days have shown me that my race-readiness is better suited for competitive eating than endurance cycling. A Triumvirate of harsh weather, winter unemployment, and love of junk food has rendered my upper body useless to my lower body. Kind of like a frog or a triple dip ice cream cone. Monday and Tuesday I mounted my trusty Peugeot track styled bike and attempted to put in some good, hard miles. Every fricken mile was hard due to my legs (which are in fine shape and would handily carry the rest of my body over most gravel finish lines if not for the "cupcake top") bumping in to my belly. The steady diet of Dairy, Starch, Fat, and Booze have smashed my dream of a TransIowa finish in 2010, made me thankful for the Daughter's graduation the day before the Chaquamegon100 (100 miles, mostly single track) making it impossible to be at both events, and even kept me from competeing in CIRREM last weekend. This is the bad bad bad one, as I live 2.7 miles from the START OF THE RACE. I just kept thinking about those rediculous Madison County hills and the difficulty of climbing with a beer belly of doom. Classic Wuss-out Move. Well, Friday night was a bloodbath of wiskey that kept me in bed well past 8 am.

I NEED TO GET OFF MY LAZY ASS AND TRAIN. I mean for cycling. I need to drop about 30 lbs and gain better core strength. I need to increase my avg speed by 7-8 mph and decrease my avg food intake by 7-8 meals per hour. As far as food, I am a fucking vegetarian chef and can't seem to get a proper diet together. I know nutrition. Just not for myself.

(My trusty cat Bathory is also having a similar problem with overeating while my dog Mollie has managed to increase her speed to a squirrel catching pace this winter. Maybe she has some training tips)

Reading this makes me realize I may need a trainer or maybe a muzzle. Or maybe to stop collecting bikes and ride them more.

I have a new goal. I will get that Cup O Dirt this year (c'mon, I live on a gravel road that is the gateway to all gravel south and west of DSM), and train towards a 2011 season of torture including Diry Kanza, Trans Iowa, Trans Wisconson, CIRREM, and any other event I can fit into my schedule. It would be sweet to throw down during Cross season this fall (Cat 6 single speed class). I have been riding for years and have not competed since 1990 (Cherokee 100, 16 years old). I love riding for fun and transportation, but it is time to really work towards some goals.

I want to get race ready.

Caution Today Only, Politically Themed Blog!

2010-02-09T10:22:00.001-08:00

For the last two days I have been listening to testimonials from the very-educated and forward thinking people of the "Tea Party Movement."(please note sarcasm) It seems that Conservative Persons from Both Parties (or as I like to refer to as CoPerBoP) have banded together to fight government involvement in Big Business and promote more Government involvement in womens' bodily decisions and more Religious involvement in Government. Fair Enough. The current "Cross Aisle Politcal Battle" (or as I like to call, CRAPBAT) has caused many of us Americans to question our answer to that call for Change in our country. Our President has become the Pinata of the Press, and our Change has become something akin to actual pocket change.

These "Contitutional Fundamentalist" of the Tea Party Movement have a solution for the ills of our Nation.

SARAH PALIN.

Are you fucking kidding? Is this real?

Yes, it is real. Evidently the Glorious Moron, S.Palin is the answer to all our woes. She has been studying soooo hard and getting emails everyday from Washington informing her of what is happening in the country (everyone knows that her employer, FOX News, can't give her much factual insight), and she is ready to "Give It A Go" (or as I like to cal it GAG) in 2012. What Fun! Ok, she is in ONLY if she thinks "it is right for the American People and for the Palin family." What a relief, not even President or even a candidate yet and she feels comfortable deciding what is or is not in the best interest of the People.

Did I mention that she practically single handedly sunk a promising campaign? Well, now it was McCain's fault. Hannity was all over the "poor, poor decision by the Republican party to tag this woman along for the ride" angle in 2008, now She is the bright shining star and McCain's failure was due to his Progressive Conservatism.

I want everyone to think very hard back to 18 months ago. Strain yourself to remember what was 3 months of the biggest dipshit show on earth, then tell yourself that voting for Palin would EVER be a good idea. This woman is still as ignorant as before, still as good of a politician as before (Alaska scandals), and to top it off has abandoned being a GOVERNOR (actual position that people hold to help people) to be a "Commentator" (dog and pony show which helps nobodoy but Sarah Palin). Do you think another self serving candidate ignorant of world affairs whom basically ran on a platform of "I didn't have an abortion and I know how to hunt" is fit to be President of the United States of America?

I would rather vote for Oprah.

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

2010-02-06T08:58:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I lay around hung over wondering what the point is to all that I have done over the years. Do you ever have those moments?

Sometimes I have an answer, but more often than not I don't.

Today is one of those majority days.

Back to the Bottle!

Dad's On Vacation!!!

2010-01-18T13:16:00.001-08:00

Dad is officially on vacation from working for a while. What does this mean for you, the dedicated reader? It means there will be tens of words more every week. Like the following words...

Here I am at Cumming Tap in Cumming, Iowa. It is 3:00 pm on a Monday and I would normally be doing something sushi-related, but thanks to a twist of fate I am doing something more Cycling and Drinking related. One bar, one beer rule is in effect but the mileage as apposed to the normal mid-week routes is much much longer. And you are asking "is there a point to this rambling?" There is. I am gearing up for a foolhardy 500 mile 8 day trip around western Iowa and trying out a new touring bike that will most likely be the chariot for the trek. So far so good, I will keep you posted as to my progress.

I haven't had enough to drink yet.

The truth of the matter is...

2009-11-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

They always know when they're tired to just turn over and get the job done.

Just a thought for those of you out there who are wondering.

And yes, dad is shithouse drunk. Thank you for your time.

My fucking tooth!!!

2009-10-23T21:18:00.001-07:00

Now kids, Dad hasn't been to the dentist since wife#1 (and that has been a long fucking time), and the shit has currently decided to hit the fan with my dental health. To quote a crappy 80's hair band..

"Bang your head!
Dental heath will drive you mad!"

This fucking tooth has me going nuts. I can't sleep, and on top of that all I can do is work on WORK STUFF and peruse the interweb for cold weather biking gear while being tormented into my own version of "the Machinist" although I assure you I will never be as thin as Chritian Bale. Promise.

So with that I leave you with a picture of something. As always probably sushi related.

Hearts,
DAD

Summer Is Almost "Ghost"

2009-09-17T23:28:00.001-07:00

Today was yet another day declared "A Great Day to Be Outside" for the mainstream public. I am a firm believer in being outside (although the weather is rarely a consideration for Dad as he knows nothing of staying warm, dry, or safe) and that while outside one should take advantage of the opportunity to celebrate Nature's kindness.

The "artifacts" in the pictures above were possibly the fruits of said celebrations. A personal favorite is the "Easy Chair with Box of Empties." Imagine the fun you could have with a case of wine and a recliner in an alley next to a dumpster. Somebody did imagine all the fun, then went that extra mile and actually HAD FUN.

The picture on the bottom is some Raw Vegan Sushi I made for part of a friend's photo shoot.

An observant Reader pointed out some glaring exclusions from my "tribute to P. Swayze" blog a few days ago. Bullshit. Write your own goddamn tribute.

Until next time...Stay Classy, Interweb!

A World Without Swayze.

2009-09-15T21:38:00.001-07:00

Today a great celluloid luminary passed from our plane of existence. The man who cried "WOLVERINES" while taking out a Soviet attack helicopter with an AK47 shall cry no more. No one is left to protect Baby from being placed in the corner she so doesn't deserve to occupy. The throats of errant scalliwags misbehaving in roadhouses are safe once more. The man who taught us there are only two emotions has created a third in our hearts, Loss (which according to the Love/fear matrix is very far to the "fear" side of things). Patrick has joined Chris Farley in that great Chippendales tryout in the sky.

Rest In peace Mr. Swayze. You fought long enough.

Lame. Next.

2009-08-13T23:38:00.001-07:00

Hipsters see this.

I would like to share something with you

2009-08-08T10:09:00.001-07:00

Here I am hung over and waiting for the "terminally late Saturday breakfast date" to arrive and thought time would pass more smoothly while sharing a few quips with the tens of you out there reading.

The first picture up there is from Greenfield, Iowa during RAGBRAI 2009. What is a "RAGBRAI" you ask? Ragbrai is a conglomeration of around 15,000 bicyclists of varying skill levels, sobriety, and intelligence crossing iowa during the course of one fun filled (and this year, VERY hilly) week i. People travel from as far as Australia, England, New Zealand, and Portugal to dip their tires in the Missouri River, then the Mighty Mississippi one week later. I have to say it is an amazing time and if you are into this sort of thing you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. Enough about what it is and on to the original point...

...this camp site picture is the scene of my last night on the 'Brai. This night included binge eating, no drinking (shocker), a run in with/sighting of the Mysterious Majical Hurleys, lots of rain, and one nasty accident. What accident? Well, a few of the local teens procured a golf cart for a joy ride and thought it would be fun to chase one of their friends while he was running down the street. The runner lost his footing, fell on top of a recumbent parked by a curb, and was run over by the golf cart full of formerly fun loving teenage joy-riders. I walked up to this scene while returning to camp from the town square. The crime scene was full of gawkers, self proclaimed medics, an ambulance, all 3 Greenfield P.D. cars, concerned neighbors, one 12 year old girl (cart driver) and one teen boy with a very nasty broken leg. Oh. And One golf cart with a flat tire which was still sitting crippled on the side of the road as we packed up and rolled out of town the next morning.

The next picture is of some funny Vegetable Nigiri Sushi I made myself for lunch one day. Not much of a story on that one.

Until next time...

Mom Would Be Proud

2009-08-06T13:45:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Dad's extreme drinking birthday bike ride rally bash. It was fun. Not so fun today.

I could use some Nigiri Pizza.

Foghat is officially bad ass.

2009-08-03T19:19:00.001-07:00

So, dad is drunk at 9:13 on a Monday night. Had a great day of pizza buffets and pool games and margaritas and old style and pbr. Mom and I did some cleaning and polishing of the fridge beer stock. Listened to Budgie, Buckingham/Nicks, Rod Stewart (???), and then it came down to Twisted Sister Vs. Foghat. Foghat won in a pinch hitting battle of drunken memories of times past. Holy shit. Totally rocked my world as we talked of the past and I trailed off thinking of the flat on my Peugeot which needs fixing before Wednesday's big DID birthday bash bike ride.

Wait. Mom just put on Black Sabbath Vol 4, Snowblind. Gotta go.

Register

2009-08-03T10:42:00.001-07:00

Yes indeed. It is official. Dad Is Drunk is in action. There is another DID whom registered in 2007 with my name and left one stinking post. lame. never updated. nothing. This person should rot, or maybe he is at the great Texas Hold Em game in the sky. visit this dipstick (proper texas insult) at dadisdrunk.blogspot.com and leave him some comments as to how good of a blog name he nearly ruined.

Love,
Dad