Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The end

This is the last post this blog will see.  People failed to see the humor in it and and...I guess that is it.  Thank you for your time. 

Sunday, March 21, 2010

A brief pause....

Today is a historic day in...history.  Today health care reform was given a go-ahead by our Government.  This is no bullshit, people, and if I wasn't on day 4.5 of Detox Program beer would in order. 

Now here is my question:

Now that health care reform is a reality will that fat loud mouthed pill popping peice of political shit scrape himself off the bottom of shoes and leave the country?  That's right.  Rush Limp-baugh threatened some time ago to move to Costa Rica if this bill passed, and I want to know when that fuck is hitting the airport.  Fuck it, put him on a raft and toss him in the ocean.  Let his hot air propel him to his new home. 

That is all.

Monday, March 15, 2010

St. Patty's Day Massacre Bike Ride of Doom

This is an open invitation to any of you out there on bikes who really want to "get down" this week for the original Green Holiday!

Hello all,

Some of you have jobs. On Wednesday you should pretend you don't.

St Pats is the #1 Amateur Drinking day in the world and normally I abstain due to the overwhelming hordes of shitheads roaming our fair city. This year I am dancing a different

This venture will begin Tuesday night @ 5 pm for those so inclined to have a good 24 hour drunkfest.

You know, I used to live in Philly and there is nothing like starting the night before St Pats, then showing up to the parade puking in trash cans on the route after no sleep whatsoever. I want to bring those "memories" back.

So....Tuesday night the more irresponsible of us will be meeting at the Longest Yard in valley junction at 5. The have "hair band Tuesday" and it is a good thing. Then on to downtown via Charlies, GT, et al.

All this ends in a mess somewhere downtown Tuesday night/weds morning (I may need a place to crash as I live on the other side of the flood plain).

Wednesday morning we reconvene (or continue on a path of destruction) at 8 am for breakfast at a TBA location. From there we drink until St Pat's Day looks cute. This party stops when uncle is called. Stay tuned for more details.

Rsvp if you dare


Ps. Forward this to anyone you know with a bike who wants to hang animal style.

Friday, March 12, 2010

White cops

So I just got done drinking 40s outside an unnamed Ingersoll bar.  On a mission with my boy stretch and Detective Skim Milk to the south side.  Dad is drunk and getting drunkest.  Curtis Mayfield playin in the Cougar Catcher, got a rocks glass in my pocket.  To be continued......


So I am sitting on the "thinking station" at what is alledgedly my workplace contemplating a few things.  What should I really do with this blog? Should I make it about cycling, or just continue with random bullshit?  I don't know what should be done.  I enjoy just fucking around on here, but I feel like maybe an urge to get serious once in a while.  

I have a lot more to think about and plan.  That Bike ride across Iowa thing needs planned, have a ton of yard work to do (now that the glacier has melted), I have bikes that need work, Daughter's last 2 months of high school, house decorating to be done, furniture to find.  Ok, it isn't that bad. 

Oh, I found my tissues.  Time to quit crying.


Monday, March 8, 2010

New York Times Blog-shit

Today a NYT blogger wrote an interesting piece on women, alcohol, and weight gain.  This person seems to think that women who drink alcohol gain less weight than women who don't.  What fucking bar is this maniac hanging out in?  Not the ones I frequent.

Sounds like this guy is just trying to encourage women to get drunk.  For what reason? I don't know. 

I was going to post a link to it here, but save your time.  Don't read it.

Ladies, it is ok to drink, but don't think that it is helping any.  Limit alcohol intake, eat a balanced diet, excercise regularly, and don't forget to stretch. Oh, drink plenty of water.

Now, it must not be true for men either or I would be super-model thin!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Reality: Legs vs. The Gut

Last year I had my sights set firmly on doing some endurance racing this season.  The last few days have shown me that my race-readiness is better suited for competitive eating than endurance cycling.  A Triumvirate of harsh weather, winter unemployment, and love of junk food has rendered my upper body useless to my lower body.  Kind of like a frog or a triple dip ice cream cone.  Monday and Tuesday I mounted my trusty Peugeot track styled bike and attempted to put in some good, hard miles.  Every fricken mile was hard due to my legs (which are in fine shape and would handily carry the rest of my body over most gravel finish lines if not for the "cupcake top") bumping in to my belly.  The steady diet of Dairy, Starch, Fat, and Booze have smashed my dream of a TransIowa finish in 2010, made me thankful for the Daughter's graduation the day before the Chaquamegon100 (100 miles, mostly single track) making it impossible to be at both events, and even kept me from competeing in CIRREM last weekend.  This is the bad bad bad one, as I live 2.7 miles from the START OF THE RACE.  I just kept thinking about those rediculous Madison County hills and the difficulty of climbing with a beer belly of doom.  Classic Wuss-out Move.  Well, Friday night was a bloodbath of wiskey that kept me in bed well past 8 am.

I NEED TO GET OFF MY LAZY ASS AND TRAIN.  I mean for cycling.  I need to drop about 30 lbs and gain better core strength.  I need to increase my avg speed by 7-8 mph and decrease my avg food intake by 7-8 meals per hour.  As far as food, I am a fucking vegetarian chef and can't seem to get a proper diet together.  I know nutrition.  Just not for myself.

(My trusty cat Bathory is also having a similar problem with overeating while my dog Mollie has managed to increase her speed to a squirrel catching pace this winter.  Maybe she has some training tips)

Reading this makes me realize I may need a trainer or maybe a muzzle.  Or maybe to stop collecting bikes and ride them more. 

I have a new goal.  I will get that Cup O Dirt this year (c'mon, I live on a gravel road that is the gateway to all gravel south and west of DSM), and train towards a 2011 season of torture including Diry Kanza, Trans Iowa, Trans Wisconson, CIRREM, and any other event I can fit into my schedule.  It would be sweet to throw down during Cross season this fall (Cat 6 single speed class). I have been riding for years and have not competed since 1990 (Cherokee 100, 16 years old). I love riding for fun and transportation, but it is time to really work towards some goals.

I want to get race ready. 

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

*Caution* Today Only, Politically Themed Blog!

For the last two days I have been listening to testimonials from the very-educated and forward thinking people of the "Tea Party Movement."(please note sarcasm)  It seems that Conservative Persons from Both Parties (or as I like to refer to as CoPerBoP) have banded together to fight government involvement in Big Business and promote more Government involvement in womens' bodily decisions and more Religious involvement in Government.  Fair Enough.  The current "Cross Aisle Politcal Battle" (or as I like to call, CRAPBAT) has caused many of us Americans to question our answer to that call for Change in our country.  Our President has become the Pinata of the Press, and our Change has become something akin to actual pocket change. 

These "Contitutional Fundamentalist" of the Tea Party Movement have a solution for the ills of our Nation. 


Are you fucking kidding?  Is this real? 

Yes, it is real.  Evidently the Glorious Moron, S.Palin is the answer to all our woes.  She has been studying soooo hard and getting emails everyday from Washington informing her of what is happening in the country (everyone knows that her employer, FOX News, can't give her much factual insight), and she is ready to "Give It A Go" (or as I like to cal it GAG) in 2012.  What Fun!  Ok, she is in ONLY if she thinks "it is right for the American People and for the Palin family."  What a relief, not even President or even a candidate yet and she feels comfortable deciding what is or is not in the best interest of the People.

Did I mention that she practically single handedly sunk a promising campaign?  Well, now it was McCain's fault.  Hannity was all over the "poor, poor decision by the Republican party to tag this woman along for the ride" angle in 2008, now She is the bright shining star and McCain's failure was due to his Progressive Conservatism.

I want everyone to think very hard back to 18 months ago.  Strain yourself to remember what was 3 months of the biggest dipshit show on earth, then tell yourself that voting for Palin would EVER be a good idea.  This woman is still as ignorant as before, still as good of a politician as before (Alaska scandals), and to top it off has abandoned being a GOVERNOR (actual position that people hold to help people) to be a "Commentator" (dog and pony show which helps nobodoy but Sarah Palin).  Do you think another self serving candidate ignorant of world affairs whom basically ran on a platform of "I didn't have an abortion and I know how to hunt" is fit to be President of the United States of America? 

I would rather vote for Oprah.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Sometimes I lay around hung over wondering what the point is to all that I have done over the years.  Do you ever have those moments? 

Sometimes I have an answer, but more often than not I don't. 

Today is one of those majority days.

Back to the Bottle!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dad's On Vacation!!!

Dad is officially on vacation from working for a while.  What does this mean for you, the dedicated reader?  It means there will be tens of words more every week.  Like the following words...

Here I am at Cumming Tap in Cumming, Iowa.  It is 3:00 pm on a Monday and I would normally be doing something sushi-related, but thanks to a twist of fate I am doing something more Cycling and Drinking related.  One bar, one beer rule is in effect but the mileage as apposed to the normal mid-week routes is much much longer.  And you are asking "is there a point to this rambling?"  There is.  I am gearing up for a foolhardy 500 mile 8 day trip around western Iowa and trying out a new touring bike that will most likely be the chariot for the trek.  So far so good, I will keep you posted as to my progress.

I haven't had enough to drink yet.